Forgiveness

Joan Medlin, mother of a son with a dual diagnosis (Down syndrome and autism), recently posted An Effective Complement: Advocacy & Forgiveness,* on the Disability Solutions web site. She writes:

Over the years, I’ve had to advocate staunchly for my son . . . . In those early years I was devastated after every meeting. I felt exhausted—like one of the “Dementors” from Harry Potter had sucked all but a last breath from me. In just a short time, “advocacy” became synonymous with anger and frustration.

She validates the feelings of parents:

I agree that more often than not parents have a lot to be frustrated and angry about. Constantly maneuvering to find someone who sees your child as a great kid (rather than being told all the things he can’t do) is not easy. Living under the microscope of special education without feeling judged at some point is impossible. The evaluation” is not limited to academics, school situations, or your child’s strengths. Folks tend to want to know just what it is we’re doing at home to teach our children.

I’ve been doing some reading on forgiveness over the past year. I am increasingly convinced it is the missing link in advocacy efforts.

She describes what forgiveness is, and what it is not, then goes on to say:

I believe forgiveness strengthens my ability to advocate effectively. By letting go of resentment and anger, people are more willing to talk and problem-solve. They are less likely to worry the discussion will become a battle with an angry parent. Remember, forgiving someone does not mean they are not accountable for their actions. No one loses their rights by forgiving an injustice.

This is a timely article. Like Joan, I have experienced frustration in dealing with educators, medical professionals, and social service providers. Joan is bringing a gift to this "field of discourse" by introducing the issue of forgiveness. We need the healing and empowerment it can bring, for both ourselves and our children.

Joan, who is also editor of Disability Solutions, is a nutritionist and author of The Down Syndrome Nutrition Handbook: A Guide to Promoting Healthy Lifestyles.

*This article was posted October 12, and will eventually disappear from this web site and be linked by date at the bottom of it.